December 30, 1999
Everything You Wanted To Know About Joseph, But Were Afraid To Ask - THE COMMENTARY
By Joseph Planta
VANCOUVER - A couple of people sent one of these e-mails where you have to answer a series of questions. (Series?, seems like a three-part miniseries on HBO, meaning no commercials.) Anyways, It’s a Sunday night a couple of weeks ago and I actually filled it out. Now it says you should fill it out and mail it to everyone you know, but I decided, what the hell, it makes great column fodder. Here goes...
FULL NAME: Joseph Planta. There’s an old family myth my middle name is Patrick. I checked it out, it isn’t true.
HEIGHT: 5'10"
DOB: March 18, 1982
BIRTHPLACE: Vancouver, BC
WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW?: Vancouver, BC
PARENT(s): Ignacio and Myrna
SIBLING(s): None that I know of.
WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?: People say I look like Eugene Cruz.
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: A dead one. Oh, for Chrissakes, here come the letters from the animal lovers...
MY FAVOURITE TV SHOW(s): Sports Night, NYPD Blue, Dallas and 60 Minutes.
FAVOURITE ACTOR(s): Katherine Hepburn, Jack Lemmon, Judi Dench and Sidney Poitier
FAVOURITE MOVIE(s): On Golden Pond and Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner? Interestingly enough, they’re both Hepburn pictures.
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Tired. Of life, of everything...
SCHOOL: Tupper
FUTURE SCHOOL: BCIT.
FUTURE JOB: I would love to be a columnist or host an openline show on ‘NW.
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: None.
BEST BUDS: Could I say Rafe and Vaughn? No, that isn’t true.
FAVOURITE CANDY: Sour keys.
HOBBIES: Writing The Commentary, watching television, listening to the radio, and reading the papers.
THINGS YOU COLLECT: I collect autographs and right now a pile of National Post’s about 4 feet tall right next to my desk.
DO YOU HAVE A PERSONAL PHONE LINE?: I guess so, I use it for the Internet, only.
HOW MANY E-MAIL ADDRESSES DO YOU HAVE?: I use this Sprint one and I have a Yahoo one, I’ve never used in a while.
FAVOURITE THING ON/IN YOU: On me right now are a pair of ever comfortable wool socks. On a crisp and windy night like tonight, they’re perfect.
DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS FROM TV OR NEWSPAPERS?: Both, but usually the radio. CKNW, by the way.
ANY TATTOOS AND WHERE, OF WHAT? None whatsoever.
PIERCING AND WHERE: None.
WHAT CLOTHES DO YOU SLEEP IN: Jogging pants and a shirt.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CHAIN LETTERS? Some are good, for example I got a petition the other day on a most legitimate topic. I didn’t sign it, but I thought it was a novel use of this technology we all seem to have.
BEST ADVICE: Be true to yourself, and tell it like it is.
LENO OR LETTERMAN? Letterman. Where’s Johnny Carson when you need him?
WORDS AND PHRASES YOU OVERUSE: “Go figure” and I use the term ‘bugger’ a lot. I use it to describe idiots in life, but means something else too.
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY: Watching television.
FAVE CAR: I like those Crowne Victoria’s, the cop cars, or lately Yellow Cabs.
WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? “Standards”, the stuff Sinatra would sing, plus Broadway stuff. There’s nothing like an old show tune...
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: Can’t think of one right now.
FAVOURITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Sit at home, and not worry about shovelling the sidewalk.
WHAT’S YOUR BEDTIME? Minutes past midnight.
WHERE DO YOU LIKE TO SHOP? Growing up, I loved going to Eaton’s. I actually like going to Superstore; its got a hell of a variety, plus its all in one place.
COKE OR PEPSI: Coke, but usually diet for me. I can’t stand the caffeine sometimes.
FAVOURITE THING TO WEAR? An olive green shirt.
FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Social studies, but that’s a pain in the ass too.
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Black.
FAVOURITE SONG(s): “Nowadays” from Chicago. And almost-anything by Sondheim.
FAVOURITE 2 PEOPLE TO TALK TO ONLINE: Mike Kwan is always interesting, he’s got a great sense of humour. May Chan is also interesting. She’s got a great sense of humour too and she’s painfully honest.
ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER? Root beer, but then again I can’t stand that either.
WHERE DID YOU WORK THIS SUMMER? Nowhere.
FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING: My Emmy pin. It’s a lapel pin with the Emmy upfront, it was a gift from the Academy, years ago.
FAVOURITE TV COMMERCIAL: I like the Hallmark commercials during a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie on CBS. They’re like little movies; moving, funny and touching.
DO YOU SMOKE? No.
FAVOURITE VACATION SPOT? I remember spending many summers at Mount Vernon. Those were nice times.
DO YOU HAVE GOOD GRAMMAR: I think so.
FAVOURITE FAMILY MEMBER(s): My mom and dad.
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS? Yes.
WHAT’S THE NEATEST THING IN YOUR ROOM? Jack Cullen’s and Frank Sinatra’s picture, both autographed. Cullen’s got a nice note and Frank simply says, “All the best,”
FAVOURITE CD YOU OWN: The original cast recording of Company, is my favourite show, without seeing it, not even a clip; just that CD.
FAVOURITE RESTAURANT: My Dad has been friends with James Sam for years and years now, ever since he was a cook at the Marco Polo. After that joint closed, “Uncle Sam”, had a place on Pender, two actually and both were nice places. Now, he and his wife have razed the Ho Ho on Pender and so, Foo’s Ho Ho is my favourite restaurant.
FAVOURITE FOOD(s): Pizza is good.
WHO IS THE HOTTEST GIRL/GUY IN THE WORLD? Charlize Theron.
WHAT SPORTS DO YOU LIKE? Baseball is nice to watch, so’s hockey. I guess I call them bearable. I’m not fans though.
FAVOURITE FAST FOOD: I like A&W, but Pastel’s and Subway make good sandwiches.
WHEN YOU DIE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED? Buried.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SALAD DRESSING: Italian.
ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED? Sure.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS? No, but I belive in ghosts though.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING PROFESSIONALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I would be in heaven, just to host the 8:35-11:00 AM show on ‘NW.
FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK: Tuesdays.
A TEACHER YOU HATE: Ms. Chuaqui. She’s someone who seems to have no idea on how to run a classroom. She’s confusing in her personality and in the teaching profession, exuding personality is paramount.
FAVOURITE DISNEY MOVIE: Beauty and the Beast.
FAVOURITE SEASON: Fall.
WHAT TOPPINGS DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA: Mozzarella cheese.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR SCHOOL FOOD: It’s not bad.
IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? New York City.
FAVOURITE THING TO DO ON WEEKENDS? I like to sleep late and sleep in.
FAVOURITE THING TO CLEAN: My favourite coffee mug, even though I don’t drink coffee.
FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Entertainment Weekly, I like Maclean’s too.
FAVOURITE NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE: Raspberry juice.
FAVOURITE NUMBER: 38
FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR: Chocolate.
WHAT KIND OF GUYS/GIRLS ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO: One that can keep up in a conversation and bring something to it. For example, humour, insight and an over-all worthwhile conversation.
WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE AUTHOR? Allan Fotheringham is the dean. Mike Kwan isn’t that bad either. Rafe Mair is good, but his writing is better listened to.
WHO WAS YOU BEST KISS? I’d like to think that’s still ahead of me.
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT? The time I refused to hold on, on a bus and the puckers landed on a poor girls cheek, in full view of the transit using public.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE? My ability to not be excited so easily, when stuff goes right for me. Some folks get all excited and happy, but I remain in check. Some say its the curmudgeon in me. Also, maybe to exercise a bit more.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR PAST, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Nothing. I am terribly sensitive to regret, so I don’t try to think about those things. Also, I can’t think of anything.
FAVOURITE CEREAL: I don’t like cereal.
FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY: I don’t have a time of day that’s a particular favourite.
CAN A GUY AND A GIRL JUST BE FRIENDS? Sure.
DO YOU ASK THE GUY/GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO COME TO YOU? I can’t speak from experience.
DO YOU MIND PAYING FOR A DATE? No, but I don’t think it’s inhuman for a girl to pay.
BEST BOOK YOU’VE EVER READ? Neil Simon’s Rewrites.
WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN ONE’S PERSONALITY? Respect of others.
DO YOU HAVE A PAGER OR A CELL? No.
WHO’S MORE IMPORTANT, FAMILY OR FRIENDS? It all depends on the person. I think for me it’s a combination of both. It’s whoever that’s around you that you seem to like having around who are important.
DO YOU GET STRESSED OUT EASILY? No, but lately yes. For odd reasons, some will say it’s often, but it’s not that often.
WHAT’S THE BEST GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED? The parting gifts when I left Dickens, and of course contest prizes.
FAVOURITE DIRECTOR: On stage, it’s Hal Prince. In film, I think John Cassevetes is brilliant.
MEMORY YOU MISS THE MOST: Having Johnny Carson and Jack Webster on TV on a regular basis.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF Ouija? I’ve never played/used it, so I can’t say.
GUYS, WITH OR WITHOUT HATS?: Doesn’t matter, it depends on the person.
GIRLS, WITH OR WITHOUT NAIL POLISH? Doesn’t matter a damn to me. Again it depends on the person.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD? A blue bubble design.
FAV. CONCERT YOU'VE BEEN TO: Tony Bennett. I saw him twice. The last time I did it was a hell of a time. I sat in the fourth row, centre orchestra right on the aisle. Behind Philip Till and in front of Russ Froese.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?: Sometimes.
FAV. BOARDGAME: Monopoly.
FAV. CARD GAME: Poker.
FAV. BAND/GROUP/SINGER: Dal Richards’ band is the best in this town. No favourite group and Vic Damone is my favourite singer.
FAV. SOUND: Applause.
FAV. SMELL: Can’t think of one...
DRINKS WITH OR WITHOUT ICE? Without, my throat is so damned sensitive to extreme cold.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Regret. Nothing’s more painful.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Happiness, whatever the hell that is.
FAV. SOUNDTRACK: Little Voice. It’s not a bad film either.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS? I’d like to be doing something that I enjoy doing.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING? “Good grief. Get up, you can take a nap after school.”
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? Not on a boat, but I was on a ride at Playland, and I felt kinda tipsy.
ROLLERCOASTERS-DEADLY OR EXCITING: Exciting.
FUTURE SONS NAMES(FIRST AND MIDDLE): Trevor’s a cool name. Jefferson would make a nice middle name.
FUTURE DAUGHTERS NAMES? Allison.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA CAKE?: Chocolate.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? No, I don’t think I have the nerves to drive.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No.
THUNDERSTORMS: Do I think they’re interesting? I think they’re a most interesting natural phenomenon.
IF YOU COULD MEET THREE PEOPLE LIVING, WHO WOULD IT BE? Walter Cronkite, Liza Minnelli and Grace MacCarthy
IF YOU COULD MEET 1 PERSON WHO IS DEAD, WHO WOULD IT BE? I think René Lévesque is one of our country’s most interesting politicians. His vision is one that bothers a lot of people including myself, but meeting him would be an absolute pleasure.
WHAT'S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Pisces.
IF YOU COULD HAVE AN OCCUPATION WHEN YOU GET OLDER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I’d kill to be a radio openliner.
IF YOU COULD DIE YOUR HAIR 1 COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I’d get grey streaks, don’t ask me why.
IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE? I don’t want a tattoo.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Once, but that’s a long story.
WHAT'S ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? I’ve got framed autographs on the wall. The Sinatra and the Cullen one.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half full.
PICK A SONG THAT DESCRIBES YOU: Nowadays from Chicago.
COOL RANCH OR NACHO CHEESE? Nacho cheese.
FAV. FLAVOUR OF SNAPPLE: Do they have a raspberry flavour?
FAV. MILK: 2%
RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS: Righty.
FAV. ADAM SANDLER FLICK: Can’t say I’ve seen a Sandler film.
WHEN YOU MEET A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX, WHAT DO YOU NOTICE 1ST? Eyes, call me old fashioned.
LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED: This morning, before school. I don’t shower in the evening, just in the mornings, even if I’ve got a fever.
WHAT COLOUR PANTS DO YOU HAVE ON RIGHT NOW? Black.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO OR WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Liza Minnelli belting out Cabaret.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUT LOUD? “Hello?”
WHAT'S RIGHT NEXT TO YOU? My CD player and my mouse.
WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR COMPUTER DESK? Brown, in that ol’ oak colour.
WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER? 7151.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A cherry Danish.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE RADIO STATION? CKNW AM 980.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON - WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? I think red, its not me and I’m totally misunderstood.
LAST MOVIE YOU SAW: Anna and the King.
WHO'D YOU SEE IT WITH? My mom, and 300 other people who crammed the theatre and the other 200 who made the Cinemark open up another room.
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON? The south of France or Maine.
RIGHT NOW, WHO DO YOU WANT TO MARRY AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH? Charlize Theron.
LAST BOOK YOU READ: Last Page First by the brilliant Allan Fotheringham.
DO YOU HAVE A LAVA LAMP? No.
HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Crisply cold and wet.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR THE PASSED NIGHTS? Tried to sleep. I also replied to a bunch of e-mails.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO ONLINE RIGHT NOW? The lovely Rudy Montejo.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME BACKWARDS? atnalP hpesoJ
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? Watching videos and answering the telephone.
DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? No.
Now, they say you can copy this and paste it into an e-mail and send it out. Or if you have a column, use it there.
Questions and comments may be sent to: editor@thecommentary.ca
An archive of Joseph Planta's previous columns can be found by clicking HERE .