Sunday, 04 April 2004
Press Release by Brian Nguyen, former editor of thecommentary.ca - THE COMMENTARY
By Brian Nguyen
By now, you've all undoubtedly discovered that Joseph's stunning resignation as editor of his website thecommentary.ca was merely a devious publicity stunt to get his name in all of the gossip columns again. That his announcement came precisely on the first of April was merely coincidental. I was there when he was sitting at the Grind tossing possible days around with his good buddy Vishal. Wednesday was out because he had eats in the evening with former Sun reporter Angela Yanor, and Friday was out because he was working the graveyard shift at his office (yes, even a fabulously successful web baron like Joseph must do outside work to pay his bills!). Thursday turned out to be the only viable option.
Given the spate of vitriolic criticism aimed at me in the local tabloids regarding the supposed editorial change, and given the eulogies which have appeared for Joseph, let me state that I am, so far as I know, not the editor of that website, thecommentary.ca . No writers hired by Joseph were fired. Thus those fans of such popular columns as "The May Show" and Helen Wang's delightful "Spaghetti Westerns" can still look forward to future contributions by these authors.
"Not only is Mr. Nguyen the wrong man to carry on the task of running thecommentary.ca with the same dignity and tactful elegance which our dear Joseph brought to it, he is incapable of writing a proper sentence without patting himself on the back for his artistic brilliance," wrote journeyman columnist Luscious Merryweather in Friday's edition of the Province. "When it comes to fulfilling the high expectations set by the website's readers, he comes up short. And I mean that literally." Another columnist wrote: "His feet are too small for Joseph's shoes." How can others be so cruel? Do they not realize that even I am capable of weeping for hours on end while locked inside a broom closet? How would they feel if I mocked them relentlessly?
Joseph approached me yesterday and asked me what my plans are. I haven't decided yet. The recent lambasting which I've received in the past few days at the hands of several hack writers in the papers has soured my relations with the media, and after my severe beating at the hands, boots, nails, and teeth of several thugs and thuggesses who were purportedly "Joseph die-hards," I would like nothing more than to retreat to my cabin up on Foundry Island and lie in bed all day. Perhaps I will continue raising the artistic level of Joseph's website with my fustian articles. Perhaps I will light myself on fire and stab myself with a knife. I don't know.
I would like to thank my companion Virginia Woof for her constant support throughout this ordeal. Whenever I became despondent over what was being said about me, she would bark twice, and then approach with a tennis ball in her mouth- and for a brief moment, everyone else would fade away and we two would be the only souls in this world. I intend to dedicate my next book to her.
I am glad- truly, absolutely, unduly- for the success of Joseph's publicity stunt. He has achieved with impeccable daring exactly what he set out to do, and for this I must felicitate him. That it turned out so badly for me is unfortunate, but I blame myself, rather than him. Perhaps I should not have fired so many of his writers. Perhaps I should have spoken of Joseph in my initial address with the proper reverance accorded to such an important man. It was my responsibility to appease his scores of rabid fans, and I failed. I am ashamed and apologetic. I wish they had been more kind, more patient, and less ravenous. They were in the wrong, but I too must accept my share of the blame. If they are willing to admit that they pushed too hard with their derisive foppery, then I will admit that I should have appealed to their love of Joseph by writing my editorial column in his style- that is, with more wit, more eloquence, and more bombast.
Thank you,
Brian Nguyen.
"It is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers. The more solitary I am the more affection I have for them. Solitude and silence teach me to love my brothers for what they are, not for what they say." -Thomas Merton, writer (1915-1968)